Letting Go

I'm learning the art, and wisdom, of letting go, as I get older. Oh dear, that's a hard thing to do, and yet so freeing once we finally "get it".

If you've been a reader for any length of time, you probably suspect that I have too much stuff in my small house - and you'd be right. There are plenty of things here that I really don't use at all, but I thought I needed. Stacks of magazines that I keep because "someday" I'm going to use them to continue pretty journal that I started. The nice thing about the stacks of magazines is the fact that I do have my own magazine rack to keep them in. It's actually a newspaper-style magazine rack that we used to have for our business. We sold all but one, and that one I keep in my room to keep my magazines stacked on after I read them. But do I really need all of those magazines? I have no idea how many there are. I suppose I could count them and tell you but that would mean I'd have to get up out of this chair and go take the time to do so. I'm not willing to do that so just suffice it to say that I bet there are around 100 or so. Seems like overkill to me. But letting go of them hasn't happened yet.

I also realized this week that I have a lot of clothes I never wear. It might be time to de-clutter my closet and pare down to only what I love and what looks great on me. I have Tim Gunn's book waiting for me to pick up from the library today and I know Tim won't steer me wrong. I've read it before but it's time to read it again. It sounds like it's time for a fashion show parade in front of my family. I'm terrible at knowing what looks good on me but my family is good at telling me whether or not something looks okay, great or just plain awful.

I have lots of kitchen stuff I don't use either; baking pans, etc. But I've recently gone through all of my kitchen stuff and gotten rid of things that I know I will never use. I donated them to our church garage sale last month. The rest of the things I am going to keep because now that I'm home full-time, I have more time to bake and cook and actually use these things. Plus, like my books (which I am in the process of going through as well), kitchen items are my friends.

But you know what the hardest thing is to let go of? Our girls. In 7 days, Ashley will be a teenager. If you had asked me 5 or 10 years ago I would have said I'd be glad when they grow up and leave the house. It wasn't because of a lack of love, it was simply that I hadn't fully come to appreciate motherhood and all of its blessings. At that time I was so self-absorbed that all I could think about were the sacrifices. Oh, my friends, how that has changed, for the better. It's amazing what happens when we stop thinking only of ourselves, when we stop being martyrs, and we let God heal our hurting hearts. Suddenly we see things in a new light and we appreciate the fullness of our lives, rather than focusing on the empty places. Now I can't believe I've wasted all that time being selfish and only have a few years left to truly enjoy with them here. But I can't spend all of my time regretting (believe me, I've tried that a time or two as well) or I'll waste even more precious time.

As our girls have gotten older, the challenges and fears of parenthood haven't disappeared. In fact, it's a whole new set of things to be afraid of. I'm so thankful that we have such well-behaved children. I can't imagine how I'd be if we had troubled kids. Even so, it has tested the very core of my faith in God. I've had to wrestle with whether or not I fully trust that He can take care of them. He took care of me, healed the places I was hurting (still does), made me a wonderful woman and yet for some reason I struggle with whether or not He will do the same for my daughters. When you get right down to it, it's rather selfish, to think I know better than He does. LOL But I'm learning this as I go, as we all are.

I'm really enjoying being the mother of teenage daughters. Sure, we haven't hit the dating issues yet (Brad says they can start dating when they are in their 30s), and we haven't started dealing with driving and all those other teen issues. But so far, I really do like it. I love that my girls are friends of mine. My main role isn't to be their friend, it is to be their mother. But, they are my friends, too. They make life so much fun. I love being able to have intelligent conversations one time, and then laugh like a silly girl with them at other times. They really are a joy to be around (most of the time). Suddenly, I'm beginning to understand what Brad has felt about them for so long. I tend to be slow at these things, but I do eventually catch up.

But the more I love them, the harder it is to let them go into the world and make their own decisions. The world, as we all know, is a scary place, even for grown-ups. But I have learned that if I shelter them, it will be an even scarier place. So, I choose to let them go. I choose to let them make many of their own decisions and to face the consequences of their mistakes so that they learn how real life works. I know I have to let them experience heartache and disappointment on occasion in order to know that life goes on. I want them to be better-prepared for adulthood than I was. I know they'll do great. After all, they have two fabulous parents who love them (okay perhaps fabulous is a bit of an exaggeration), a God who has promised never to leave them, and on top of that they are wonderful young women, filled with intelligence and maturity (in most cases). But still, my heart aches a little (or a lot) every time I have to choose to let them go.

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

------ author unknown